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我知道电话亭很难找到 I know phone booths are hard to come by,
但这并不意味着你可以 but that doesn't make it okay for you
在威瑞森手机店脱裤子 to take your pants off in a Verizon store.
700美元 刑期折抵 $700 and time served.
动漫展 Ugh! Comic- Con.
拜托下一个案例是传统的公共场合小便 Please say the next case is a good old public urination.
如果做这件事的人认为自己是隐形的 Does it count as public urination
这算在公共场合小便吗 if the person doing it thinks they're invisible?
多尴尬啊 我们穿的是同一件衣服 Oh. How embarrassing. We're wearing the same thing.
不过你去了法学院 我的是从理发店偷的 Except you went to law school and I stole mine from Dry Bar!
希瑟 很高兴你来了 各位休息五分钟 Heather, so glad you're here! Take five, everybody.
过来 你 Get over here, you!
好了 好了 把我放下 Okay, okay. Put me down.
各位 这是希瑟 她是我交情最深的朋友 Everybody, this is Heather. She's my oldest friend.
我们在幼儿园的第一天相遇 她当时10岁 We met on the first day of kindergarten. She was 10.
自从艾比搬到这里 我就一直想来看看她 I've wanted to visit Abby since she moved here.
我特别想尝尝纽约著名的纳什维尔辣鸡 I'm dying to try New York's famous Nashville hot chicken.
见到艾比家乡的人总是很高兴 Always a pleasure meeting people from Abby's hometown.
你们都外向得那么讨人厌 You're all so annoyingly outgoing.
还可能是近亲繁殖的产物 And possibly inbred
-哦 看看你 -穿西装的小姐 Ooh! And check you out, - Miss Big Time Blazer.
我打赌你看新闻 I bet you watch the news.
我打赌你上过新闻 I bet you've been onthe news.
我上过 我掉进过大猩猩坑里 I have. I fell in a gorilla pit.
我的天 你是小希瑟 Oh, my God! You were Baby Heather!
你看起来还是老样子 You still look the same.
那是因为我有很多牙齿还是乳牙 That's because a lot of these are still baby teeth.
我们该回去工作了我去给你拿钥匙 We should get back to work. I'll get you the keys
你可以把你的东西放在我家 so you can drop your stuff off at my place.
不需要 我用不着 No need. I'm good.
只要说你闻到煤气味 他们会让你进去 They let you in anywhere if you say you smell gas.
那是我朋友希瑟 That's my friend Heather.
她是不是很有趣 Isn't she fun?
天呐 你恨她 Oh, my God. You hate her.
什么 不 我们一直是朋友 What? ! No! We've been friends forever!
她给了我打了第一个耳洞 She gave me my very first piercing......
害我打了第二针破伤风疫苗 which led to my secondtetanus shot.
不对 你恨她 No. You hate her.
毫无生气的笑声 毫无诚意的”有趣“ The lifeless laugh, the fake, phony"fun. "
才不是 That wasn't fake or phony.
-冰淇淋 -有趣 Ah. Ice cream. - Fun!
-小狗 -有趣 Puppies. - Fun!
希瑟 Heather.
有趣 Fun.
你确实讨厌她 You dohate her!
有趣 Fun!
看 当他说的时候 我相信 See, when hesays it, I believe it.
这是胡说八道 This is nonsense.
我不知道 丹 I don't know, Dan.
你觉得你会成为这些宅女的抢手货 You think you'd be a hot catch with these lady nerds.
你看起来像个富有的巫师 You look like a rich wizard.
什么样的发育不良的巨婴会喜欢这种东西 What kind of stunted man- child goes in for this kind of stuff?
一个看清世界真实面目的人 One who's seen the world for what it really is.
墨菲斯 黑客帝国里的 Morpheus. From"The Matrix. "
天呐 你是他们中的一员 Good God. You're one of them.
真没想到 I mean, that's surprising.
你看起来像是有过性经历的人 You present as a person who's had sex.
如果你认为这些人没有性经历 If you don't think these people are having sex,
你就不了解动漫展 you don't know Comic- Con.
在五天里 银河系里最欲火焚身的宅小孩 For five days, the horniest indoor kids in the galaxy
聚在一起打扮和睡觉 gathered to dress up and bed down.
既然这是我离婚后的第一次漫展 And since this is my first Con since the divorce,
我准备好向所有女士展示我们生活在一个 模拟当中 I'm ready to show all the ladies we're living in a...stimulation.
我倒是希望我们在母体里 I wish we werein the Matrix.
学习功夫要花太长时间了 Learning kung fu is taking forever.
噢 天哪 把我藏起来 是朱莉安 Oh, God. Oh, my God. Hide me. It's Julianne.
是朱莉安 It's Juliannel
我不认识那是谁 You know I don't know who that is.
我刚开始在这里工作 I just started working here.
是丹以前起诉的一个女人 It's a woman Dan prosecuted back in the day
去年出现来复仇 and showed up last year for revenge.
但我让她意识到这有多么悲哀 But I thwarted her efforts to destroy my life
挫败了她破坏我生活的意图 when she saw how sad it was.
总有一天你会找到爱情的 我是说 看看我 Hey. You'll find love someday. I mean, look at me.
我就从克里斯托弗·米洛尼的恋情中 I bounced back after my dalliance
恢复过来了 with Christopher Meloni.
你和克里斯托弗·米洛尼约会过 You dated Christopher Meloni?
我们何止是约会过 Our connection was deeper than that.
他为了他最重要的角色跟着我学习过 He shadowed me for his greatest role.
我想你对音乐剧法警很熟悉吧 I assume you're familiar with"Bailiff: The Musical"?
裸体是我的圭意 The nudity was my idea.
闭嘴 闭嘴 她去哪了 朱莉安呢 Shut up. Shut up. Where did she go? Where's Julianne?
丹·菲尔丁 Dan Fielding.
嗯 你好 朱莉安 Well. Hi, Julianne.
什么风把你吹来了 你应该通过安检了吧 What brings you here? Hopefully through a metal detector.
我只是来拜访我生命中的新男人 I'm just visiting the new man in my life.
他很体贴 He's very attentive.
你知道 不停地查问情况 想知道我的动向 You know, constant check- ins, wants to know where I'm going,
我在见谁 我尿里有什么 who I'm seeing...what's in my urine.
他是你的假释官 So he's your parole officer?
现在给关系贴标签还为时过早 Ah, it's too soon to put a label on it.
他有对于管控你 Ah. And how good is he at monitoring your access
获得让我爆炸的东西的工作 做得怎么样 to things that might- what's the word...explode me?
丹 你没什么好担心的 Dan, you have nothing to worry about.
我的意思是 毁了一个已经一团糟的生活 I mean, where is the fun
有什么乐趣 in ruining a life that's already in shambles?
你好大的胆子 You have some nerve.
我告诉你这个人的生活很健康 I'll have you know this man's life is robust.
他曾在他热爱的新奥尔良担任法官 He was a judge in his beloved New Orleans,
他碰巧和 and he happens to be best friends
启发了克里斯托弗·米洛尼 with someone who was the inspiration
在百老汇最成功的表演的人是最好的朋友 for one of Christopher Meloni's greatest Broadway triumphs!
丹 Well, Dan!
我很高兴你状态这么好 I'm glad to hear you're doing so well.
也许我们还是可以好好玩玩的 Now maybe we canhave some fun together after all.
她有可能是在笑别人 You know, she could be laughing at something else.
我的礼貌哪去了 Oh. Where are my manners?
朱莉安 我要毁了丹的人生 Julianne. I'm gonna ruin Dan's life.
自拍 And...selfie!
你用不着每次都说自拍 You know, you don't have to say"selfie" every time.
你们两个乡下人在大城市有什么计划 So what do you two country mice got planned for the big city?
谁知道 只要希瑟在身边 Who knows? When Heather's around, JUDGE
冒险就永不停 it's always an adventure.
前一分钟我们还在吃纸杯蛋糕 下一分钟 One minute, we're getting cupcakes, the next,
我们就跑到一个叫重低音的地下俱乐部 we're at an underground club called"Oontz. "
它是以那首歌命名的 你知道吗 It's named after the song. You know the one?
是的 她知道那首歌 她知道那首歌 Yeah. She knows the song. She knows the song.
你去了地下俱乐部 You went to an underground club?
只会让他们把音乐关小 You ask them to turn down the music
灯光调亮成澳拜客牛排馆的样子 and crank up the lights at Outback.
没人听得见我对鳄鱼邓迪的模仿 No one could hear my Crocodile Dundee impression.
啊 动手吧 Aww! Do it!
那不是刀 That's not a knife!
糟糕吧 Isn't that bad?
看到了吗 这就是为什么希瑟是最棒的 See? That's why Heather's the best.
她实话实说 把我 She tells it like it is and really pushes me
推出我的舒适区 out of my comfort zone.
我喜欢她这一点 I lovethat about her.
那你一定会喜欢我今晚的计划 Then you are gonna love what I have planned for tonight.
我要带你做一次曼哈顿的 I'm gonna take you on a midnight helicopter tour
午夜直升机之旅 of Manhattan.
我得到了一笔折扣 因为那架直升机没有灯 And I got a deal because the helicopter doesn't have lights!
我会发短信给 飞行员 I'll text the"pilot. "
你为什么要加空引号” Why are you using air quotes?
因为他在空中 Cause he's in the air.
你为什么要忍受这个人 Why are you putting up with this person
你和她没有任何共同点 you have nothing in common with?
你说彐年的友谊叫毫无共同点 You call 30 years of friendship nothing in common?
如果不是希瑟 You know, if it wasn't for Heather,
我绝不会尝试野樱桃百事可乐 I never would have tried Wild Cherry Pepsi.
多亏了百事可乐积分 And thanks to those Pepsi points,
我见到了雷·查尔斯 I got to meet Ray Charles.
好吧 好吧 玩得开心点 Okay. Well, have fun.
你们俩这么亲密是好事 It's a good thing you two are so close,
因为出了事他们也分不开你俩的骨灰 since you'll be sharing an urn when they can't figure out
你们会共用一个骨灰盒 how to separate your ashes.
你和希瑟的直升机之旅怎么样 So, how was your helicopter trip with Heather?
还行 Had its momentsl!
没有什么比垂直下落 Nothing makes you appreciate the ground
更能让你珍惜在地上的好了 like plummeting towards it! !
你知道你已经不在直升机上了 对吧 You know you're not on the helicopter anymore, right?
从很多方面说 我会一直在上面 In a lot of ways, I'll always be on it.
但总的来说 很有趣 But all in all, it was fun.
又来了 那个假的“有趣“ There it is again. That fake, phony"fun. "
这是我迄今为止听到最虚假 最虚伪的“有趣” The fakest, phoniest"fun" yet.
好吧 你说得对 我承认 我不喜欢她 Okay! You're right! I admit it! I don't like her!
这段友谊早就应该结束了 This friendship should have ended a long time ago.
我想现在我得去告诉 I guess now I have to go tell someone
我已经认识三十年了的人 that I've known for three decades,
事实证明你总是很差劲 "Well, oops. Turns out you've always sucked. "
等等 你 你要告诉她吗 Wait. You're- - You're just gonna tell her?
亲囗去说 太变态了 你这个神经病 直接玩消失 Like, with your mouth? That's sick, you sicko! Just ghost her.
然后再也不和她说话了 And just never talk to her again?
等等 人们一直都在这样做吗 Wait. Are people doing this all the time?
我不知道 问他们 I don't know. Ask'em.
如果他们没回应 那么没错 他们就在这么做 If they don't respond, then, yeah, they're doing it.
-嘿 疤女 -呵呵 Hey, "Scabs"! - Heh- heh.
看看你 又把旧绰号拿出来了 Look at you, dusting off the old nicknames.
她之前得了湿疹 整个夏天都穿着高领毛衣 She had eczema. She wore a turtleneck all summer.
然后我想出了疤女这个名字 每个人都笑了 Then I came up with the name"Scabs, ", and everyone laughed.
所以 你觉得你是 So, uh, you think you're gonna
明天一早就离开好避开车流还是 leave first thing tomorrow to get a jump on the traffic or...?
事实上 不好意思 ActuallyExcuse me.
有些事我需要和你谈谈 There's something I needed to talk to you about.
昨晚 当你在那架直升机上 Last night, when you were clinging to me
抓着我的时候 我意识到了一些事情 in that helicopter, Prealized something.
我怀念这样 I miss this.
我男友罗纳德不理解我 My boyfriend, Ronald, doesn't get me.
他说我梦想太大 打鼾太湿 He says I dream too big and snore too wet.
所以我要和他分手 搬来和你一起住耶 So I'm breaking up with him and moving in with you! Yay!
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
因为很难一次性爆完所有粗口 Because it's hard to say all the curse words at once?
蝙蝠侠 我要去和他谈谈 Ooh! Batman! I'm gonna go talk to him.
我听说他很有钱 还是个怪胎 I heard he's rich and a big ol'freak.
这里说你被指控 So, it says here you were charged
逃票溜进动漫展 with sneaking into Comic- Con without a ticket.
不是我 他 Not me. Him.
在后面 Back here.
JUDGE 你们的关系一定很亲密 ABBY STONE You guys must have a close relationship.
-你的秘诀是什么 -重要的是 What's your secret? - The important thing
知道你将要面对的是什么 is knowing what you're getting into.
说得好 兄弟 You said it, brother.
15年前的动漫展上 我同意穿这套服装 15 Comic- Cons ago, I agreed to this costume.
再也没有回头 也没有向前看过 最好只是往下看 Haven't looked back. Or forward. It's best to just look down.
我不得不说 很高兴见到两个朋友 I have to say it's nice to see two friends
这么默契 that are totally in sync.
但是 你们中的一个还是非法闯入了 But, still, one of you is trespassing.
所以 下次 给你的屁股买票 So, next time, cover your ass.
不 替我在动漫展期间看孩子的保姆不干了 No! My sitter for Comic- Con just bailed!
老葛 Gurgs...
你有办法照看孩子吗 is there any way you'd babysit?
你请不起我的 You can't afford me.
为什么不直接带女孩们去动漫展 她们会喜欢的 Why not just bring the girls to Comic- Con? They'll love it.
她们当然喜欢 这相当于 Of course they will. It's-
她们所有的幻想都成真了 It's all their fantasies come to life.
但我正努力让我的幻想成真 But I'm trying to make myfantasies come to life.
好了 各位 保持冷静 Okay, everyone. Stay cool.
不是你 你是没机会了 Not you. That ship has sailed.
朱莉安回来了 猫女 第二排 Julianne is back. Catwoman. Second row.
她身上多了一堆猫 看起来不一样了 Hm. She looks different with a bunch of cats on her.
不是她 她 Not her. Herl
哦 那件束身衣质量真高 Ooh! That is a quality straitjacket.
监狱从不让我带走自己那件 Ah! The prisons never let me keep mine.
朱莉安不会在这里动手的 Julianne is not gonna make a move in here.
这里到处都是警察 This place is crawling with police officers
还有一大堆 她应该害怕的其他事情 and a...bunch of other things she should be scared of.
所以只要你不离开这个房间 就是安全的 So as long as you never leave this room, you're safe.
对了 只不过有个问题 Oh, right. There's only one problem with that.
我讨厌这个房间 I hatethis room.
我有个更好的主意 I have a better idea.
这可能是我最好的作品之一 This may be some of my finest work.
这感觉很熟悉 Something about this feels familiar.
我不想撒谎 丹 I'm not gonna lie, Dan.
这可能是你最上相的一次 This might be the best you've ever looked.
你知道 某个角度来看 You know, from the right angle. oa
我都想揍我自己一顿 I want to kick my ownass.
听着 要想扮的逼真 记住 Now to really sell it, remember-
克林贡人是一个骄傲 无情 没有幽默感的物种 Klingons are a prideful, ruthless, humorless species.
所以你可能想 什么都别改变 So you might want to...not change a thing.
我不想吓得你不敢搬来 I don't want to scare you out of moving here,
我只想提醒你 搬进来后的诸多隐患 but I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.
比如 你知道犯罪率上升得很厉害 Like, did you know that crime is really up? !
还好你的新室友会跑酷 Good thing your new roomie knows parkour.
如果我们在建筑工地遭到袭击 If we get attacked in a construction site,
情况很快就会变得很酷 things are gonna look real cool real fast.
还有 这里真的很贵 Also, it's really expensive here.
这就要用到我的省钱秘诀了 That's where my money- saving tips come in.
你在牙膏上浪费了很多钱 You are throwing away good money on toothpaste.
任何泡沫都可以 Anything foamy is finel
天哪 我刚意识到 你不是想让我搬到这里 Oh, my God. I just realized. You don't want me to move here.
-哦 -你需要我搬到这里 Ohh...- You needme to move here.
你的思路像坐过山车一样 Wow. What a roller- coaster ride your brain must be.
哎呀 抱歉 Oop. Sorry.
我得接这个电话 是我前男友的妈妈 I got to take this. It's my ex- boyfriend's mom.
康妮 你错了 Connie, you were wrong.
我刚和疤女谈过 她喜欢这个主意 I just talked to Scabs, and she loves the idea!
你怎么样 Hey! Whatcha doin'?
你在外面多久了 How long have you been out there?
肯定比你希望的要长 Oh, definitely longer than you wish I was.
你不会把她吓跑的 你人太好了 You're not gonna scare her off. You're too nice.
我看到你重建了一张蜘蛛网 I saw you reconstruct a spider web.
如果你下班回家 How would you like it if youcame home from work
你的房子被毁了 你是什么感觉 and yourhouse was destroyed?
就交给我吧 Just leave this to me.
谁准备好在风城尽情狂欢了 Who's ready to get wild in the Windy City?
那是芝加哥 That's Chicago.
气候变化 懂吗 呃 Ugh. Climate change. Ever heard of it? Egh.
希望我们能 但是我和疤女要上班 Ah, wish we could, but Scabs and I are stuck at work.
如果你真想疯玩 就去当地人去的地方 But if you really want to get wild, go where the locals go.
去港务局巴士站 Port Authority bus terminal.
那里就像是有监狱暴动做伴舞的锐舞派对 It's like a rave mixed with a prison riot,
加上搏击俱乐部 还有意外好吃的椒盐卷饼 a fight club, and surprisingly good pretzels.
我信了 回头见 超级马里奥 I'm in. See ya later, Super Mario.
这是我在高中给她起的另一个外号 Another fun nickname I gave her in high school.
-超级马里奥 吊带裤 -不是 - "Super Mario"Overalls? - No.
-红帽子 -不是 Red hat? - No.
-胡子 -对 - Mustache? - Yep.
你对人类有什么计划 What's your plan for human? Meat or pets?
站在那里别动 Hold it right therel
你好 第一次见 O Um, hello. For the very first time.
对不起 你去吧 我只是在等 Sorry. Y- You go ahead. I'm just waiting for this guy
我要从心理上摧毁的人 that I'm gonna psychologically destroy.
出于好奇 Just out of curiosity...
你打算对这个 What do you plan on doing
不幸 但我假设 to this unfortunate, but I'm going to assume
非常英俊的家伙做什么 O O devastatingly handsome fellow?
我喜欢坚持经典套路 Oh, I like to stick to the classics.
纵火 身份盗窃 Arson. Identity theft.
诬陷他抢劫了数百万美元的艺术品 Framing him for a multimillion- dollar art heist.
而真正的抢劫 Ah, when the real heist
是那些人从他们的艺术中得到的报酬 对吗 is what those guys get paid for their art, right?
恭喜你 I mean, congratulations.
你拿了一块可爱的大理石做雕像 You took a lovely piece of marble for a statue
那本来可以做一个很棒的台面 that could have been a great countertop.
对 有趣 我也讨厌艺术 Yeah. Funny. I hate art, too.
但我什么都不说 因为这让我听起来像是疯子 But I never say anything because it makes me sound crazy.
我不认为你疯了 艺术就是很蠢 I don't think you're crazy. Art is dumb.
朱莉安 Julianne.
哦 他们叫我 马尔茨 Oh. They call me...Maltz.
她根本不知道我是谁 She had no idea who I was.
我们的目光相遇 我们的手互相接触 Our eyes met. Our hands touched.
我们的血液留在体内 Our blood stayed inside our bodies.
朱莉安在她不是铁了心复仇的时候 You know, Julianne is quite lovely
还是很可爱的 when she's not hell- bent on...revenge.
小心点 丹 我不希望你最后 Just be careful, Dan. I don't want you to end up
神魂颠倒 被困在她别克车的后备箱里 head over heels...in the trunk of her Buick.
不 这正是问题所在 No. That's just the thing.
在那个美妙的时刻 房间消失了 For one glorious moment, the room faded away
我们只是克林贡人和猫女 and we were just a Klingon and a Catwoman,
如上帝所愿 as God intended.
我的动漫展完蛋了 Well, my Comic- Con is screwed.
我找不到保姆 所以现在我得带上我家娃 I couldn't find a sitter, so now I have to bring my kids
因为我像个白痴一样关心他们的安全 because I care about their safety, like an idiot.
至少你还是可以去的 Well, at least you still get to go.
是啊 戴着这个 Yeah. Wearing this.
我不再是墨菲斯了 I'm no longer Morpheus,
<母体>所有秘密的守护者 keeper of all the secrets of the Matrix.
我是洛奇<汪汪立大功>里最差的狗 I'm Rocky, the worst"PAW Patrol" dog...
它的超能力是召唤垃圾车 ...whose power is garbage truck.
可我们有些人的道具服很受女人喜欢 Well, some of us have costumes that women think are cool,
你能回避一下吗 so could we
没有希瑟的消息 这是好事 对吧 Haven't heard from Heather. That's a good thing, right?
也许她搭公车去纳什维尔 Maybe she caught a bus to Nashville to try
品尝他们著名的费城芝士牛排了 their famous Philly cheesesteak?
或者 怀亚特会这么说 Or...Wyatt's gonna say this.
希瑟·巴斯克斯公诉案 The People vs. Heather Baskets.
好极了 艾比是我的法官 Oh, noice! Abby's my judge!
两个法警 这意味着她加倍危险 Two bailiffs? That means she's Double Dangerous
这是克里斯托弗·米洛尼在《法警》音乐剧中的重要曲目 which was Christopher Meloni's big number in"Bailiff: The Musical. "
被告被控非法赌博 The defendant is charged with illegal gambling
煽动暴乱导致一辆公共汽车被点燃 and inciting a riot that led to a bus being lit on fire.
暴乱和公共汽车火灾 你才离开了一个小时 A riot anda bus fire? You were gone for an hour.
法官大人 这个不谙世事的无辜者是被 Your Honor, this wide- eyed innocent was lured to New York
一个所谓朋友引诱到纽约 by a so- called friend
而这个朋友在她需要帮助的时候抛弃了她 who then abandoned her in her time of need.
你知道你在说什么吗 Do you even know what you're talking about?
有点即兴发挥 Eh, kind of winging it.
我们能只说事实吗 Can we just stick to the facts, please?
巴斯克斯小姐开了个路边赌场 Miss Baskets started a sidewalk casino,
但这是出于好意 but it was with the best of intentions.
一辆开往大西洋城的巴士抛锚了 A bus headed to Atlantic City broke down.
他们想赌一把 我收了一些赌注 They wanted to gamble. I took some bets.
然后他们就想要奖酬 谁会想到会这样 Then they wanted to get paid. Who would have seen thatcoming?
我不知道 有人能想到吗 I don't know. Anyone? !
等一下 你在生我的气吗 疤女 Hold on. Are you mad at me, Scabs?
是疤女法官 It's JudgeScab
当你在我的法庭上 要叫我斯通法官 Judge Stone when you're in my court.
好的 爸爸 Okay, Dad!
呃 顺带说一句 这些都不是我的错 Uh, P. S. ...none of this is even my fault.
所以你没让一个80岁的老妇人 So you did nothing to cause an 80- year- old woman
向公交车扔点燃的雪茄 to throw a lit cigar at a bus?
为了记录准确 雪茄被扔进了垃圾桶 For the record, the cigar was thrown into a garbage can,
然后垃圾桶被扔向公交车 and then the garbage can was thrown at the bus.
-是的 艾比 -我不是你这边的 Yeah, Abby. - Not on your side.
这就像三年级的时候 This is just like that time in third grade
你生我气那次 因为我告诉你 when you got all mad at me'cause I told you
在躲避球比赛中获胜的唯一方法就是用嘴接住它球 the only way to win at dodgeball was to catch it with your mouth.
因为你我嘴里才染上了脚气 I got athlete's mouth because of you!
从那以后发生了很多变化 And a lot has changed since then.
例如 我是法官 你是罪犯 For instance, I'm a judge and you're a criminal.
是嫌疑犯 Alleged!
虽然这一点似乎不重要了 Although that seems beside the point now.
我知道我的所作所为严格说是不合法的 I know that what I did wasn't technically legal,
但我在挑战极限 就像我对你做的那样 but I was pushing boundaries...like I do with you.
这就是我们成为朋友的原因 你喜欢我这一点 It's why we're friends, and you love that about me.
我不喜欢你这样 我都不喜欢你 I don'tlove that about you. I don't even like you!
可我是小希瑟啊 But I'm Baby Heather!
法官大人 鉴于这次有争议的谈话 Your Honor, in light of this contentious discourse,
我想知道你是否会考虑回避 I'm wondering if maybe you would consider recusing yourself.
你觉得呢 Oh, ya think? l
看来明天就要开庭了 So, looks like the trial is gonna be tomorrow.
别担心 你由穆拉尼法官审判 Don't worry. You're in front of Judge Mulaney.
他是个极端厌女者 He's a horrible misogynist,
但他认为女人不能犯罪 but he believes women can't commit crimes.
法官总是会亲自来这里 Do judges always come down here
向被指控的罪犯传递消息吗 to personally deliver news to alleged criminals?
还是你是来道歉的 Or were you coming to say you're sorry?
不是来道歉的 但是我希望能用另外一种方式把真相说出来 - I am not, but I do wish the truth came out differently.
而不是在法庭上用那种 Not in an open court and not at the volume
我在洛克菲勒中心圣诞节点灯仪式 I reserve for yelling, "Encorel"at the Rockefeller Center
要求再来一遍的音量喊出来 Christmas tree lighting.
我在想 我不适合大城市的生活 I've been thinking. City living might not be for me.
你绝对不敢相信我为了 You would not believe what I just paid this guy
买毒 鸡腿给这家伙付了多少钱 for dru- u- u- umsticks.
-我没看见鸡腿 -我都吃完了 - I don't see any drumsticks. - I did them all.
希瑟 你人生中会遇到不少乐子 Heather, you're gonna have a lot of fun in your life,
我等不及要参与其中了 and I can't wait to not be involved.
顺带说一句 Well, B. T. Dubs...
你真的让我在你的同事面前占了上风 you really let me have it in front of your work friends.
我猜老希瑟终于让你走出了舒适区 Guess old Heather got you out of your comfort zone after all.
不客气 疤女 You're welcome, Scabs.
你该回去了 Well, let's get you back in there.
好吧 Alright.
那么 我们戴上分院帽 So, uh, how about we put on a sorting hat
看看我们要回哪栋房子 你的还是我的 and see what house we're going back to ...yours or mine.
如果我打扮成墨菲斯就成了 That would have worked if I was dressed as Morpheus! MSMKS
好的 怀亚特 我要去动漫展 Okay, Wyatt. I'm coming to Comic- Con.
崔妮蒂 不错 Trinityl Nicel
我会带你的孩子去汪汪立大功座谈会 I'll take your kids to the"PAW Patrol" panel
与此同时墨菲斯去寻找那个寻找那个天选之人 while Morpheus looks for"The One"...
那个会和他做爱的人 who will have sex with him.
但你得在克里斯·米洛尼 But you got to make it back before Chris Meloni
出现给 shows up to sign posters for
《法警：电影版》海报签名之前赶回来 "Bailiff: The Musical: The Movie. "
我和他还有未竟的事业 He and I have unfinished business.
你知道 我今晚来的时候 You know, when I came here tonight,
我没想到会找到像你这样的人 the last thing I expected was to find someone like you.
我很想再见到你 Oh, I'd love to see you again.
我也想 Oh, I'd like that, too.
也许在化妆舞会上 Maybe at a masquerade ball.
或者全年开门的万圣节商店 Or a year- round Halloween store.
或者 在你白内障手术后 Or- Ooh! Immediately after your cataract surgery.
或许我们不要等了 让我们 Or maybe we don't wait. You know, let's-
让我们脱下这些可笑的服装 let's just get out of these ridiculous costumes
直接上床 and get into a bed.
我想见到你的全部 I want to see allof you.
-哦 是的 朱莉安 我想 我想向你展示我的全部 Oh, yes, Julianne. I want to － I want to show you all of me.
但有些事你应该知道 But there's something y- you should know.
我很丑 I'm hideous.
我不在乎外表 I don't care about looks.
拿我来这里要消灭的那个人来说吧 I mean, take the guy that I came here to destroy, for example.
他很帅 衣品很好 You know, he's handsome. Great dresser.
和你的身材和鞋码一样 Your build and shoe size.
同样的手 Same hands.
当他害怕的时候 And when he's scared,
会发出这种标志性的小叫声 he lets out this signature little yelp.
是你 It's you!
是的 抱歉 等等 等等 求你了 Yeah. Sorry. Wait, wait. Please.
我不是故意骗你的 I didn't mean to trick you!
我只是不想让你杀了我 I just didn't want you to murder me!
^JIJEZT Then we started talking, and I didn't want that to end either. 然后我们开始交谈 我也不想就这样结束
所以我继续下去 现在你可能 So I just kept going, and now you probably
你比以前更想报复我 want to revenge me even more than you did before.
所以不管是什么 请快点动手 So whatever it is, please just do it quick!
我死了吗 Am I dead?
我有一种感觉 我 我无法解释 I have feelings that I- I can't explain.
我不想再报仇了 I- I don't want revenge anymore.
我不想玩猫捉老鼠的游戏 I don't want to play cat- and- mouse
让警探们束手无策 with detectives at the end of their rope
或者趁假释官睡着的时候剪他的头发 or cut my parole officer's hair while he's asleep
让他慢慢秃顶 却不知道为什么 so that he steadily goes bald and never knows why.
我只想要 丹 I only want Dan
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
克林贡语无法表达我的感受 T- There are no words in Klingon for what I'm feeling.
我想是吧 我没有做过研究 I assume. I did no research.
但我需要慢慢来 下周的晚餐怎么样 But I need to take it slow. How about dinner next week?
下周不行 Oh, next week is bad.
六个月之后怎么样 Um, how about four to six months?
什么 What?
这个人真是缠上我了 Ugh! This guy is obsessed with me.
所以 我烧毁了一座即兴表演剧院 So, I burned an improv theater to the ground.
你们都会做出同样的事 You know, any one of you would have done the same thing!
等着我 丹 Wait for me, Dan!
这是命令 And I'm not asking.
-刚才怎么回事 -算了吧 What just happened? - Forget it, Maltz.
是漫展的缘故 It's Comic- Con.
漫展 C- o- n- n- n- n- n- n- n!