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喂 Hello?
拉里 我是吉娜·格罗斯巴德 GINA GROSSBARD: Larry, it's Gina Grossbard.
-斯图中风了 -谁 Stu had a stroke. - Who?
斯图·格罗斯巴德 GINA: Stu Grossbard.
俱乐部的 From the club.
什么 What?
我觉得应该通知你一声 GINA: I thought you'd want to know.
特么打给我干嘛 Why the fuck'd she call me?
对 凌晨三点啊 Yeah, it s like at three o'd odk in the mpmning.
我都不怎么认识这个人 I don't even know the guy hardly.
-太荒唐了 -疯了简直 It's ridiculous. So crazy. It's nuts.
我怎么就上了 “半夜打电话”的名单了呢 What am I doing on that list of middle- of- the- night calls?
整不明白了我就 I don't understand it.
幸好是你不是我 太闹心了 Better you than me. That's insane.
-最糟糕的你知道是啥吗 -啥 - The worst part? - FREDDY FUNKHOUSER: Yeah?
我还被硬拉进他老婆和全家人的群发消息里 Now I'm on a text chain with his wife and the family.
我也进过那种群 Those chains. I've been on'em.
简直是最糟糕的事了 They're the worst thing ever. -
等会 估计是又发消息了 是 就是 Wait a second. I bet this is another one. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
-群消息吗 太闹心了 -就是 又群发消息了 - The chain? That's crazy. - LARRY DAVID: It's- - It's the chain.
希望你今天感觉好点 "Hope you're feeling better today.
这是我侄子为斯图画的 My niece just drew this for Stu. "
-是 -看 FREDDY: Yeah. ·Look
看看着图片 Look. Look at the picture.
你得点赞 给个小红心 You gotta heart that. Just heart it. -
又来一个 我靠 Oh, another one. Holy cOw.
-这也太烦了 -没完没了啊 - It's a nuisance. - It's never gonna stop.
而且我还不能退群 他们能看出来我 LARRY: And I can't just drop out, they'll see I left.
听听这个 Listen to this.
任何人有需要 我和我的家人都会义无反顾 "My family and I are here whenever anyone needs anything.
玛莎的炖牛肉绝对是完美的 Martha's beef stew is absolute perfection
真的能治愈所有的伤痛 and really heals all wounds.
老实说 这真的是人类交流的最低级形式 It's really, honestly, like, the lowest form of human communication.
嘿 我今晚有约会 Hey, guess what? I got a date tonight.
-矮油 -跟一个艺术家 Wow. With an artist.
-真的吗 -对 她要画我 Really? LARRY: Yeah. She's painting me
做为名叫“自作聪明者”的 as part of a series of old Jewish comedians
老犹太喜剧演员组画里的一部分 called Wisenheimers.
-理查德好像也被画过 -对 好像是 - I think Richard sat for that. - LARRY: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
对 他说她挺不错的 还约过她 不过说最后无疾而终了 Yeah, he said she was cute. He asked her out, but he said it didn't go anywhere.
我呵呵 Oh, well, you know.
-也许他应该 -有人逮到机会了 · Maybe he should've. - Some of us have it.
去趟亚特兰大然后给排队投票的人 ...gone to Atlanta and given some water to someone
-递瓶水哈 -也许就是递瓶水的事 - in the voting line, maybe. Huh? - Perhaps he should've given some water.
我跟你说哈 - Dig this.
苏西要参加北卡罗莱纳的 Susie has got a textile convention
一个纺织品会 in North Carolina,
-然后她想让我跟她一起去 -啥 and she wants me to go with her. - What?
对 纺织品会是个啥玩意儿 Yep. What's a textile convention?
你可不能去 这太搞笑了 You're not going to that. That's ridiculous.
-不行啊 她机票都买了 -啥 No, she already bought tickets. - What?
还有这个呢 因为买的着急 And dig this. Because it's last minute,
-结果他妈只有中间座了 -绝对不能去 middle fucking seats. - Oh, you can't go.
我怎么出去啊 JEFF GREENE: How am I gonna get out?
-老两位 我能打球了吗 -抱歉 Guys, can I do this here? - Oh, so sorry.
这得打一天 Ugh. The whole day. - JEFF: Eh.
-你这球打的真臭 -是 You're not having the greatest game. No.
-我就这么跟你说吧 捡起来 -就差一点儿 AlI right, I'm gonna give you that. Pick it up. No cigar.
她简直是疯了 She's insane.
不行 你可不能去 LARRY: No, you gotta get out of that thing.
什么鬼 你搞咩 What? What the hell?
-这特么是干啥呢 -啥 The fuck's he doing? - What?
-喝酒呢吗 -里面是啥 Are you drinking? What is that?
就是点挥杆果汁 Just a little swing juice.
-挥杆果汁 -嗯 Swing juice? - FREDDY; Yeah.
-里面都有啥 -冰茶加了点伏特加 What's in it? - I go with iced tea and a little bit of just vodka.
你拿着那个就像个无家可归的 You look like a derelict with that thing.
你是说像绅士吧 这口我敬你菊花 You mean a gentleman. Here's looking up your address.
这太搞了 That's bizarre.
嘿 我有办法了 Hey, you know what?
我知道你怎么着可以不跟她去了 I think I got a way to get out of this trip for you.
-怎么着 -你就说自己做了个梦 How? Yeah. You have this dream, okay?
有关飞机的噩梦 And it's like a nightmare about the plane.
在梦里 你就想了 And in the dream, you're thinking,
哦 我坐的是中间座 "Oh, I'm on a the middle seat.
无法呼吸 太紧了 没有空间 Can't breathe. It's too tight. No room. "
她被你弄醒 She'll wake up,
然后你就告诉她自己自己梦到什么了 and you'll tell her what the dream's about,
然后她就会十分担心你 and she'll be very concerned about you,
她就会说 好吧 你别去了 and she'll say, "Eh, okay, don't go. "
-我喜欢 这主意不错 -对吧 不错吧 - I like it. That's good. - LARRY: Huh? Is that good?
-正经不错 -就叫做梦计划 That's pretty great. Yeah. - It's a dream scheme. Let- -
-你演练一下 -行吧 Let's see you do it. - All right. Uh...
中间座 我无法呼吸 天 他们把我挤死了 Middle seat! Can't breathe. Oh, they're squeezing me!
醒醒 醒醒 Wake upl Wake up!
醒醒 Wake up!
-杰夫瑞 醒醒醒醒 -怎么了 怎么了 Jeffrey, wake up! Wake up! - What? What? Oh.
你做噩梦了 你梦到什么了 You were having a bad dream. What's going on?
我好像恐慌发作了 我 I was having a panic attack. I
你别去了 我自己去 你待家里吧 You're not going on the trip. I'm gonna go. You stay home.
-喜欢不 -喜欢 Do you like that? I love it.
-值得试试 -值得 LARRY: It's worth a shot. It's worth a shot.
好吧 目前为止还不错哈 LARRY: AII right. Pretty good so far, huh?
-不错 -你想加入我的脱口秀吗 RENEE HOLCOMB: So far. - You wanna be on my talk show?
-当然 -那好 我们回来了 Of course. ·All right, we're back.
下一位客人是来自洛杉矶的一位年轻艺术家 Our next guest is a young artist from Los Angeles.
叫做蕾妮·霍尔科姆 Her name's Renee Holcomb.
大家先给她呱唧一轮 Please give her a nice round of applause.
好 Yeah. -
-蕾妮 欢迎 -谢谢 LARRY: Renee, welcome. - Thank you.
我听说你很快就要举办画展了 I understand you have an art show coming up soon.
的确 是我的“自作聪明者”系列 I do. It's my Wisenheimer series.
你画拉里·大卫了吗 Now, did you paint Larry David?
画了 － RENEE: I did. I did. -
我听说他是个相当不错的人 I heard he's just an incredible person.
有张相当不错的脸是真的 And an incredible face.
是毕加索式的 有点不对称 You know? It's Picasso- esque. You know, a little asymmetrical.
-不对称吗 -嗯 轻微的 － Asymmetrical? - Well, you know, just slightly.
好吧 谢谢你今晚来参加节目 AlI right. Thank you for being on our show tonight.
我们的下一位客人是 - And our next guest...
这是您的酸橙派还有花草茶 Okay, I've got the key lime pie and the herbal tea.
- 谢谢 -请享用 ·Thank you. ·Enjoy.
谢谢你参加我的节目 Well, thanks for being on my show.
荣幸之至 It's a pleasure.
-稍等 -不好吃吗 Mm. Hold on. - No good?
-天 -我尝尝 Oh, God. Mm. Mm- mm. Let me taste it.
怎样 What do you think?
-我天 -是吧 - Ugh! Ugh! - Yeah. Right?
-太恶心了 服务员 -这太难吃了 Oh, it's disgusting. Excuse me. - It's terrible. Tart.
-嗨 -抱歉 要麻烦你一下 Hi. Yeah. - I'm sorry to bother you.
-这个派 -你们不喜欢 ·This pie. - You don't like it?
-太难吃了 -真的是 · It's really awful. Yeah. - Oh. It really- -
-难以下咽 -看上去你们好像挺享受的啊 - Inedible. Really. - It looked like you were both enjoying it.
我这一脸苦相你觉得是在享受吗 The grimace looked like we were enjoying it?
我这就帮你们退掉 I'm gonna get this off the bill for you.
-谢谢 -太好了 谢了 ·Thank you. ·Perfect. Thank you.
其它食物都不错 Everything else has been lovely.
看上去我们还挺享受 Looked like we were enjoying it?
等我真的觉得享受时你再看看我是什么表情 I'll show you what it looks like when I enjoy something.
对了 吃完饭你想去哪吗 - What do you wanna do after this, by the way? -
你们好 MANAGER: Hi, there. - Oh.
-嗨 -你好 RENEE: Hi. Oh, hello.
-这是你们桌的吧 -是 This is yours, correct? - RENEE: It is.
很遗憾 恐怕这个 Well, unfortunately, a little bad news.
我今晚不能 I'm not gonna be able to take this
-给你们免单了 -为什么 · off of your bill tonight. - Why?
已经吃掉一半了啊 It's halfway gone.
-你们吃了不少派 -你这是开玩笑呢吗 You guys ate a lot of pie. - LARRY: Is this a joke?
不是开玩笑 你们吃的 It's not a joke. What you ate
已经超过了我们可以免单的部分了 went past the threshold of returnability.
行吧 我一开始吃了一大口 Okay, I took a robust bite initially
毕竟是甜品嘛 because it's dessert.
然后我又试探性的吃了一小口确认一下味道 Then I took a tentative bite to confirm that it was gross,
-然后他也尝了一口 -三口 and then he took a bite. - Three bites.
她吃了一口 说 太难吃了 She took one bite. She said, "This tastes awful. "
第二口 对 的确难吃 A second bite, "Yes, it is awful. "
然后你当时就吃了一大口 And you take a large bite at that point?
这就说不通了 That's the part that doesn't make sense.
你必须吃一大口啊 不然你怎么确定是不是难吃 You have to take a large bite. How else do you confirm?
吃一小口尝不出来 You can't confirm on a small bite.
-对 -你吃不出味儿来 RENEE: Right. - You don't get enough taste.
-这可是三大口 -不如这样 - That's three huge bites. - You know what?
-你收我双倍钱 -没必要啊 － Charge me double for it. - I don't need to.
她是个艺术家 是个风流才女 She's an artist. She's a libertine.
我们会回我家 然后云雨一番 We're going back to my house. We're gonna have sex.
我们会忘记今晚这糟糕的经历 We're gonna forget about this horrible experience.
-没错 -好吧 ·Exactly. - LARRY: Okay?
-我们会好好云雨一番的 -所以 对 - We're gonna have great sex. - So there. Yeah.
-你们俩吗 -对 You two are gonna have sex? - Yes.
你有问题吗 Yeah, you got a problem with that?
-不 没问题 -我问你个问题吧 No. No problem. - Let me ask you a question.
-谁做的派 -厨师做的 - Who made this pie? - Chef made the pie.
-难怪 -难怪 No wonder. - No wonder?
难怪 LARRY: Nowonder. - Hmm.
你想让我去把厨师叫来 Would you like me to go grab Chef,
好让他听听你的意见吗 and you can give him your thoughts?
对 去叫厨师 你是觉得我害怕厨师不成 Yeah, go get Chef. You think I'm afraid of Chef?
我不知道你怕不怕 但我觉得你应该怕 I don't know if you are, but I think you should be.
-哦 我好怕厨师喔 -就是 去叫厨师 我们才不在乎 - Oh. Oh, I'm so scared of Chef. - Yeah, get Chef. We don't care.
我觉得等你见了厨师之后 你就会改变说话的腔调了 I think when you meet Chef, you're gonna change your tune a little bit.
-是吗 你这么觉得吗 -嗯 LARRY: Oh, you think so? You think so? - Yeah.
去叫厨师 叫厨师 BOTH: Go get Chef. Go get Chef.
你们会后悔的 MANAGER: You're gonna regret this choice.
我跟他比算是客气的了 I'm the nice one of the two of us.
好 去叫啊 叫厨师来 Okay. Yeah, get- - Oh, get Chef.
赶紧走 - Let's get the fuck out of here.
睡得好吗 How'd you sleep?
-不太好 -真的吗 Not good. - Really?
-嗯 -为什么 · Yeah. - Why?
-懂了 需要适应 -嗯 - Oh, yeah. New person. Yeah.
-好奇怪 -嗯 Mm- hmm. It's weird. - Yeah. Yeah.
除了失眠 Well, aside from the insomnia,
-其它的都超赞的 -真的吗 everything else was amazing. - Really?
你是在建议返场吗 Are you suggesting an encore? -
对对对 就是那 就是那 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there. Right there.
-耶 -啊 · Yes! - LARRY: Huh? Oh. Huh? Huh?
什么 ·DAHLIA: What?
-什么鬼 -拉里 这谁啊 - LARRY: What the hell? - Larry, who the fuck is that?
-保洁阿姨 -她为什么不敲门啊 · It's the housekeeper! - Why didn't she knock?
她本不该在这的 今天她休息 She's not supposed to be herel It's her day off!
-她该敲门的 -她该敲门的 She should've knocked. - LARRY: She should've knocked!
敲门 敲门 哪有人进来不敲门的啊 You knock! You knock! Hey, you always knock!
都敲门的 没错 You always knock. It's true.
-她好像吓坏了 -是吗 Ah, she seems freaked out. - LARRY: Oh, yeah?
-你怎么感觉到的 -我就不明白了 － What gave you that impression? - I mean, I don't get it.
你自己也不是没长 对吧 It's not like you don't have one of your own. It's- -
-我觉得我得去找她谈谈 -那我穿衣服去 Think I better go talk to her. - I'm gonna get dressed.
晚点打给我 告诉我谈成什么样了 Call me later. Let me know how it goes.
我都等不及了 · Oh, I can't wait for this. -
真的挺不错的 除了最后这点 It was great, until it wasn't.
以防见不到你了 先告个别 LARRY: If I don't see you, goodbye.
再见 拉里 Goodbye, Larry.
我以为 我以为今天你休息呢 I thought- - I thought it was your day off.
不是 No, it wasn't.
总之 我 我知道你看见了 Anyway, uh, I- - I know what you saw, and, uh.
我不知道你的经历如何 You know, I don't know the nature of your experiences,
但是很多女人都能乐享其中 but, uh, a lot of women seem to find pleasure in that.
挺奇怪的哈 You know, go figure.
我不知道 我也不想这么做 I don't know. I didn't wanna do it.
我 她请我这么做的 她都求我了 I- - She asked me. Oh, she practically begged me.
我想要 我喜欢这个 我喜欢 "Oh, I want- - I like this, I like this, I like this,
我喜欢 那我能怎么做呢 I like this, I like this. "What am I supposed to do?
我不想太没礼貌 对吧 我是个绅士 I didn't wanna be rude. You know, I'm a gentleman.
这样做有绅士风度嘛 It's a chivalrous thing to do.
就像 绅士会为女士扶着敞开的门 You know, it's like a gentleman holds the door open for women,
绅士会把马桶圈放下来 a gentleman puts the toilet seat down,
绅士灰 and a gentleman, eh...
达利亚 Whoo! Dahlia!
怎么了 姑娘 What's going down, girl?
我得干活了 Um, I gotta work.
-她怎么这样 -有点小事 What's wrong with her? - Incident.
出事了 Incident?
出来 Come out.
-你把她肚子搞大了 -没有 ·You got her pregnant? - No. No.
-不是那种 -赶紧说啊 - It's not that. - Give it to me.
就蕾妮嘛 我跟你说过的那个艺术家 Well, Renee, the artist I was telling you about.
-嗯嗯 -我们在楼上 LEON BLACK: Okay. Mm- hmm. Yeah, we were upstairs.
达利亚正好撞见我在下边 Dahlia walked in on us when I was downtown.
-你这家伙 -是啊 她一时接受不了 Oh. And yo ass- - Yeah, she didn't take it well.
你为啥在下边啊 What the fuck you doing downtown?
-你不需要在下边的 -是 You don't need to be downtown. - Yeah.
下边太特么危险了 你明白吗 Downtown is fucking dangerous, you understand?
你是那种该在上边的人 Mm. You more of an uptown person.
别误会哈 我喜欢上边 Don't get me wrong, I love it uptown,
但我偶尔也会冒险去下边 but I will venture downtown, you know, on occasion.
你呢 你喜欢走下边吗 What about you? Are you a downtown guy?
我哪都行 Yeah, I'm good.
我可以边干边做TED演讲 I can fuck around and do a TED Talk to that shit.
我可以做个下体TED演讲 I'll have a pussy TED Talk.
把所有人叫到一个屋子里 弄个小麦克 Get all the guys in one room, get a little microphone,
然后用激光笔点着讲 get a little laser pointer and shit.
这就是下体 看到没 Like, "This is a pussy. See? "
我干这个最在行 - Yeah, I'm good at that shit.
我可以把所有区都讲一遍 I go through all the fucking zones.
所有的欲感区 LARRY: Uh- huh. - All the eromenous zones.
-性感区 -欲性区 Yeah. Erogenous. - Eronenous zones.
-性感区 -感兴区 Erogenous. Erotenous.
-性感区 -性感区 Erogenous zones, yeah. - Erogenous zones.
反正所有跟那个有关的我都知道 I know all the fucking zones and shit.
你得知道舔哪挠哪才行 Gotta know where to lick at and where to tickle.
无来电显示 - No caller ID.
最烦这个了 你爱接接吧 Hate that shit. Hey, do you.
-喂 -拉里 我是吉娜 Hello. - GINA: Larry, it's Gina.
-谁 -斯图的老婆 Who? - GINA: Stu's wife.
他中风了 He had a stroke. - Oh!
哦对 对 Yeah, right, right.
-他怎么样了 -不太好 拉里 How's he doing? - GINA: Not great, Larry.
非常危急 Touch and go.
-我想明天跟你一起吃个午饭 -午饭 - I'd love to have lunch with you tomorrow. - Lunch?
有件非常重要的事我要跟你说 GINA: There's something very important I need to talk to you about.
-我吗 -对 · Me? - GINA: Yes.
非常感谢 拉里 Thank you so much, Larry.
我会把具体信息发给你 你也在消息群里对吧 I'lI send you the information. You're on the text chain, right?
对对 消息群 Oh, yeah, yeah, the text chain.
有那个消息群真的是我的幸运 GINA: That text chain is a blessing.
我很开心你也在群里 I'm so glad you're on it.
是 我读了你表亲 Yeah, I read that quote
发的关于坚韧的那段话 about resilience that your cousin sent.
-特别感人 -那就明天见了 - It was very moving. - GINA: I'II see you tomorrow.
行吧 All right.
幽闭恐惧症 中间座位 没有空间没有空间 Claustrophobic. The middle seat. No room. No room!
我无法呼吸 中间 呼吸 Ah! I can't breathe. Middle seat! Can't breathe!
嘿 杰夫 杰夫 - Hey, Jeff. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
不要坐中间位置 让我出去啊 Get me out of the middle! Get me outl
杰夫 醒醒 SUSIE GREENE: Jeff, wake up! -
醒醒 你做噩梦了 Wake up! You were having a nightmare.
应该是跟航班有关吧 I think it was about the flight.
你对于飞去罗利本这事 - You're really bent out of shape
真的是焦虑到爆了哈 about this flying to Raleigh, huh?
-我想是吧 -不如这样吧 亲 - I guess I am. I- - - SUSIE: Yeah. You know what, honey?
如果你都紧张到 If you're so worked up about this
会做噩梦的地步 我觉得这就表明你不该去 that you're having nightmares, it's a sign you should not come.
-你真这么想吗 -是 真的 ·You really think so? - Yeah, I really think so.
深呼吸好好睡一觉 好吗 Take a deep breath and get some sleep, okay?
-好 -明天可是超忙的一天 - Yeah. - I've got a busy day tomorrow.
还要卖我的卡夫坦呢 Busy day with the Caftans.
我看到斯图在医院里 GINA: I just saw Stu at the hospital,
就特别担心 and I'm very worried.
我就想啊这么多人里 怎么就斯图中风了呢 I mean, how could Stu have a stroke, of all people?
你知道斯图的 你知道 拉里 You know Stu. You know Stu, Larry.
我 我真的不太了解他 You know, I I really don't know him.
拉里 你对他来说就是全世界啊 Oh, Larry. You mean the world to him.
我对他不可能有任何意义 I can't possibly mean anything to him.
我都从没跟他一起吃过午餐 I've never even had lunch with the guy.
但我这么跟你说吧 出这事 But let me tell you, I blame Susie Greene
都怪苏西·格林 for this situation.
-苏西·格林吗 -对 - Susie Greene? - GINA: Oh, yeah.
前几天 她端来一大盆鹅肝酱 The other day, she brought over this massive tub of foie gras,
但她知道我在节食 要注意体重 but she knows I'm dieting and watching my weight.
-多婊啊 -她拿过来 - What a bitch. - LARRY: She brought it over
就是为了让你吃然后变胖吗 just so you'd eat it and get fat?
问题是 斯图把整盆鹅肝酱都吃了 Here's the thing. Stu ate the entire tub himself.
感觉他像在填无底洞呢 It seems like he was trying to fill a hole somehow.
谁都有一丢丢弱点吧 Everybody has an Achilles' heel.
一整盆啊 这就不是一丢丢了 An entire tub sounds like an Achilles' foot.
总之吧 我想告诉你 Well, anyway, let me talk to you
为什么我今天约你见面 about why I wanted to meet today.
万一斯图没挺过来 Mm- hmm. - In case Stu doesn't make it,
万一斯图没挺过来 Mm- hmm In case Stu doesn't make it,
-他有些要求 -什么叫有要求 - he has some requests. - What do you mean, "requests"?
他想让你帮他看着点奥利维亚 He wants you to keep an eye on Olivia.
-谁 -我们11岁的女儿 - Who? - Our11- year- old daughter.
我 看着点你们俩11岁的女儿 Me, keep an eye on your 11- year- old daughter?
你开什么玩笑 You gotta be kidding.
我对养孩子一窍不通 I don't know anything about children.
这时候谁能比你更合适挺身而出呢 拉里 Who better to step up at this time than you, Larry?
世界上任何人都可以 你去街 Anybody in the world. Go out in the stre- -
一个无家可归的人都能比我更胜任 A homeless person would do a better job than me.
我告诉你的话就是他跟我说的 I'm telling you what he told me.
这太疯狂了 我不喜欢孩子 Well, this is crazy. I don't like children.
我这辈子跟孩子说话时 I've never spoken to a child...- Oh!
口气都是带着轻蔑的 ...without contempt in my voice in my life!
-所以你确定吗 -这是斯图的愿望 - So, are you sure? - It's Stu's wish.
-这是跟钱有关吗 -不 这跟足球 - Is this a financial thing? - No, it's soccer,
作业 男生有关 homework, boy stuff.
奥利维亚这周说她认定自己是只猫 You know, Olivia this week said she's now identifying as a cat,
我相信你一定可以帮到她 拉里 and I'm sure you could really help her with that, Larry.
怎么帮 给她买个小盒子吗 Well...Like what? Buy her a litter box?
我该怎么做呢 I mean, what am I supposed to do?
我觉得你太低估自己了 I think you underestimate yourself.
其他人有收到什么要求吗 Did anybody else get any requests?
他想让弗雷迪·芬克豪泽 GINA: Well, he wants Freddy Funkhouser
接手照顾他的古董小提琴 to take care of his antique violin.
-什么 -然后卖掉它 What? - And to sell it.
贾沙·海菲兹曾用它 It was once played by Jascha Heifetz
-在卡内基音乐厅演奏过 -开什么玩笑 - at Carnegie Hall. Are you kidding?
弗雷迪·芬克豪泽可以卖小提琴 Freddy Funkhouser gets to sell a violin,
可我却需要照顾一个猫女 and I get to take care of Catwoman?
-为什么卖小提琴这事不给我呢 -他们到早了 Why didn't I get the violin? - Oh, they're early!
嗨 宝儿 Hi, sweetie. Aw.
-今天过的怎么样 -嗨 ·How did it go today? - OLIVIA GROSSBARD: Hi.
今天还行 It was okay today.
我们是猫 所以抓挠了半天 We were a cat, so lots of scratches,
-但幸好皮肤没抓破 -那就好 but she didn't break the skin. - GINA: Good.
奥利维亚 Uh- huh. Olivia,
-给你介绍一下拉里 -嘿 - I want you to meet Larry. - Hey! Yeah.
你好 小猫猫 Hello, pussycat.
-你好 -这位是凯蒂 我们的保姆 Ooh! Hello. - And this is Katie, our nanny.
-你喜欢冰球吗 -不 - Do you like hockey? - No.
你觉得波多黎各应该成为一个州吗 Do you think Puerto Rico should become a state?
-谁在乎 -你尝过啤酒吗 Who cares? - Have you ever tasted a beer?
-恶心 我喜欢你的帽衫 -真的吗 我也喜欢 Gross. I like your sweatshirt. - Really? Yes, I like it too.
是 但你的抽绳上蹭到东西了 Yeah, but there's something on the string.
嘿 你千嘛呢 Hey! What are you doing? -
嘿 你干嘛呢 Hey! What are you doing? -
这是干嘛 你为什么要这么做 What was that? What'd you do that for?
因为猫喜欢抽绳啊 Cause cats like string.
没事的 你就穿着没有抽绳的帽衫呗 It's okay. You'll just wear it without the string.
穿帽衫怎么能不带抽绳 You can't wear a sweatshirt without the string.
你把我的帽衫给毁了 猫了个咪的 You ruined my sweatshirt, Mittens.
我勒个去 这就不可能嘛 Oh, come on. This is impossible.
-不可能 -是 这东西不好搞 - It's impossible. - Yeah. That shit's hard.
简直就跟把牙膏装回牙膏管里一样 It's like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube.
只有蠢蛋才会想把它放回 But dumb motherfuckers try to put the shit back
你挤出来的那个小洞里呢 in the same little hole you squeeze it out of.
-回不到原来的洞里 -我就这意思啊 Can t go back in the same hole That's what I m saying.
你就只能把管的底部剪开 You cut the bottom of that bitch open
然后把牙膏放回去再重新封底 and put the shit inside then reseal the bottom.
-这比牙膏那事还难 -你知道该怎么弄不 ·This is harder than toothpaste. - LEON: Know what you gotta do with that?
你得把那玩意儿弄湿咯 You gotta moisten that motherfucker.
对 就像刃针一样 Yeah. Like trying to thread a needle.
对 好好舔 Yeah, yeah, lick that shit good.
你得把那东西塞洞里去 You gotta get that bitch in that hole.
不不不不 ·Ah. No, no, no, no.
等等等等 等会 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a second.
我只是想把这抽绳重新塞回洞里去 I'm just trying to get this string in the hole here.
你有什么诀窍吗 做家务的诀窍 Uh, do you have any tricks? Any housekeeping tricks?
-没有吗 -没有做家务的诀窍 - No? - No. No housekeeper tricks.
-抱歉 -没诀窍哈 - Sorry. No. No. LARRY: You no tricks? Huh.
还有件事 Also, one more thing.
我发现你放新厕纸时 I noticed when you put new toilet paper on,
总是喜欢把开头放到底部 you always put it on from the bottom,
所以我不得不从底部拿 so I have to go to the bottom.
我喜欢把开头放到顶部 这样纸卷转起来容易些 I like it from the top. Rolls out a lot easier.
你可以从上面唰的一拽 You can rip it off like that.
是 有些人喜欢放上头 LEON: Yep, there's people who do it from the top.
纸卷就这样转 You know, you roll like this.
也有人喜欢放底下 And people who do it from the bottom,
纸卷就这样转 you do it like this,
就好像你在擦屁股一样 it's almost as if you're un- wiping your ass.
-是 -好 LARRY: Yeah. Okay
-好 -我现在能走了吗 Okay. - DAHLIA: Can I go now?
-走吧 -拜 Yeah. Bye.
好吧 LARRY: Okay.
这 这简直了 This is- This is unbelievable.
-是 -太尴尬了 - Yeah. - LARRY: It's just so awkward.
你知道有时候你跟一个人上完床后 You know, sometimes when you have sex with somebody,
那个人就不太一样了 you become a different person afterwards?
-是 -但我们俩没事啊 Yeah. - Well, we didn't have sex.
-她只是看到我跟别人上床 -是 她感觉不舒服 She just caught me having sex- Yeah. She's uncomfortable,
但现在她让你不舒服了 but now it's making you uncomfortable.
她不清理 啥活儿也不干 She's not cleaning. She's not doing anything.
我想炒了她但不行 I'd like to fire her but I can't.
我马上要庭审子 I got a trial coming up
要这时候把看见我给人舔下体的 It doesn'ty look good that I fired the housekeeper
保洁阿姨炒了那肯定不好看啊 who saw me having cunnilingus.
因为你没有合适理由就不能炒她 LEON: Can't get rid of her ass'cause you got no basis.
被她看见你舔那儿肯定不是理由 Getting caught eating pussy is not a basis.
所以你完蛋了 So, you fucked.
是啊 Yeah. -
天 又是群发消息 God. This text chain This text chain.
所有人都要坚强 "Stay strong everybody. "
记住 不经历风雨就看不到彩虹 "Remember, after the rain comes the rainbow.
成为今天别人微笑的理由 "Be the reason someone smiles today. "
去你妈的吧 搞笑 Oh, fuck you, Ridiculous.
好了 我们出去散步 嗨 杰夫不在家 Okay, we go for a walk. Oh, hi. Jeff's not home.
他刚跑出去 Huh? - He just ran out for- -
估计有个10分钟就能回来吧 He'll be back in, like, eh, ten minutes.
这什么啊 What the hell's this?
防狼背心 It's a coyote vest.
这附近好多郊狼 They're all over the fucking neighborhood.
我得保护好他 还是有人在乎 I gotta protect him. Some people care
他是不是会被郊狼咬到的 拉里 if he gets eaten by a coyote, Larry.
对了 我今天中午和吉娜·格罗斯巴德一起吃的饭 By the way, I just had lunch with Gina Grossbard.
那个坏脾气的臭脸婊 Oy. That farbissina punim.
她说斯图的中风就怪你 She blames you for Stu's stroke.
她想什么呢 就因为我拿了鹅肝酱吗 She thinks- - What, cause I brought over the foie gras?
-对 -我一眼就看透她了 Yeah、She is so transparent.
每次她来这 Every time she comes here, Larr,
都会从那家新开的法式甜点店买东西过来 she brings something from that new French patisserie.
-泡芙啊 拿破仑啊 -嗯 Eclairs and Napole- - Yeah.
她就是想让我吃胖啊 She s trying to get me fat.
-她想让你吃胖 -对 就是 所以我才报复她的 She wants you to be fat? - Yes, she does. So I retaliated.
-你报复了 -对啊 因为她嫉妒 You retaliated? - Yeah. Because she's jealous
-我比她瘦 -真的吗 that I'm thinner than her...- Really?
而且我还比她时尚 ...and I have more style than her.
-他吃了一盆鹅肝酱 然后那晚就中风了 -那是他的问题 You know, he ate the whole tub. That night, had a stroke. - That's his problem.
因为他就是头猪 Because he's a fucking pig
-那不是我的问题 -不是吧 It's not my problem. Really?
对了 你这周末可以和你男友 Oh, by the way, you can play golf
打高尔夫了 with your boyfriend this weekend.
为啥 他不是要跟你去北卡罗莱纳吗 Why? I thought he was going to North Carolina.
他不跟我去了 我受不了 He is not coming with me, I can't have it.
他昨晚做梦了 拉里 He had a dream last night, Larry.
-有关出行的噩梦 -什么 A nightmare about the trip- What?
我就想 如果他坐个飞机 And I thought, "If he's having this much anxiety
这么焦虑的话 他最好还是留家里吧 over that flight, better he should stay home. "
-我可不想他也中风 我不 -他做梦了 - I don't need him having a stroke. I don't- - - He had a dream?
-对 做梦了 而且 -噩梦 Yeah, he had a dream, and- - - Just a- a nightmare?
他在梦里拼命挣扎 就那种 He was thrashing around. It's something like that.
-太可怜了 -我觉得下意识这事得尊重 Oh, the poor guy. I believe in respecting the unconscious.
是 这可真是个意外的反转 Yeah, well, that's just a surprising turn of events.
-你真行 -是 我们出去散步了 － Good for you. Oh. - Yeah. We're going foria walk.
-嗯 -你这身行头也是防郊狼的吗 Yes. Is your outfit anti- coyote?
我呵呵 拉里 去你的吧 Very funny, Larry. Go fuck yourself.
你一点都不懂得时尚 You don't know anything about fashion.
走了 宝儿 Let's go, buddy.
嘿 这是斯图·格罗斯巴德的房间吗 Oh, hey. Is this Stu Grossbard's room?
-是 -他怎么样了 Yes, it is. - How's he doing?
现在下断言还为时过早 It's too early to tell.
-我能看看他吗 -行 但别待太久 - Can I see him? - Yes, but don't stay long.
-他需要休息 -好 - He needs his rest. - Okay.
斯图 嘿 Stu. Hey.
-拉 拉里 -嘿 嘿 斯图图 Larr- Larry. - Hey, hey! Stueyl
天 Oh, jeez.
看看你啊 为搏眼球做到这份上了哈 Look at you. What a man will do for attention, huh?
-你跟吉娜聊过了 -聊过了 Did you talk to Gina? - LARRY: I did talk to Gina.
她邀请我吃午餐 我付的钱 She invited me to lunch, and, uh, I paid,
其实有点怪 因为毕竟是她邀请的我 which is a little odd because she invited me.
我是受邀人 她是邀请人 I'm the invitee. She's the inviter.
通常邀请人付钱啊 Usually, the inviter pays.
我还等了一小下 给她时间了 I kind of waited. I gave her some time,
但她也没主动 我就 but it was not forthcoming, and, you know,
我也不想太当回事 I don't wanna make a big deal of it.
其实我也不太在乎 对我来说没啥大不了的 I don't care, really. It means nothing to me,
只是觉得这是礼貌问题 but it's a matter of common courtesy.
你肯定会觉得邀请人 - You would think the inviter
到时会主动买单啊 对吧 我 不过 should be the one picking it up. I Listen, again,
无所谓哈 我不在乎 I didn't care. It doesn't matter to me.
但是她吃午餐时提到一件事 But she did bring up something at the lunch
我觉得要提起你的注意 that I wanted to call to your attention,
就是如果 which is in the event that.
当然我们都希望不会发生这种事 就一旦最坏的情形 you know, God forbid, the worst transpires.
发生了 你想让我看着点 - ...do I have this right, that you want me to keep an...
发生了 你想让我看着点 do I have this right, that you want me to keep an...
你那个11岁的女儿 "an eye"on your 11- year- old daughter?
是的 拉里 Yes, Larry.
我午餐时见过你女儿了 And, you know, I met your daughter at the lunch,
她把我帽衫的抽绳给拽出去了 and she pulled the string on my sweatshirt,
我真的是强忍着没喊出来 and it was all I could do to restrain myself from yelling,
我尼玛啊 "You fuckl"
-这就是我想跟你女儿说的话 -是 - That's what I wanted to say to your daughter. - Uh, right.
她把抽绳拽走了 帽衫被毁了 She pulled the string out. The sweatshirt's ruined.
她好奇心重 你则充满激情 She's curious. You're passionate.
没事 你们俩这组合正好 It's all right. It's a good combination.
我不是谦虚哈 I'm not being modest
我跟你说 我真心觉得 when I tell you that I don't really think
这事交给我不太合适 I'm the right person for this job.
-你合适 拉里 就是你了 -你知道谁来做这事最完美吗 - You are, Larry. You are. - LARRY: You know who would be perfect for this?
弗雷迪·芬克豪泽 Freddy Funkhouser.
-不行 -行 No. Oh, yes.
弗雷迪·芬克豪泽最喜欢青春期前女孩了 Freddy Funkhouser, who loves prepubescent girls.
不是奇怪的那种喜欢哈 And I mean that in a good way.
他一看到她们就很兴奋 He's very excited to be around them.
当然 我再次说明 不是奇怪的那种兴奋哈 And, of course, again, I mean that in a good way.
这完全就是符合弗雷迪风格的事 This has got Frecdy written all over it.
弗雷迪是负责小提琴的 Freddy's the violin man.
我不知道为什么我不能负责小提琴 I don't know why I'm not the violin man.
我从小到大一直有上小提琴课 I grew up taking violin lessons.
拉里 我知道 Larry, I just know
你就是最合适的那个人 that you're the right man for the job.
你一定是把我和正常人搞混了 You must have me confused with a normal person.
你就是最适合照顾奥利维亚的人 懂吗 You are the person for Olivia. You understand?
好吧 斯图 我 Okay, Stu. I
我尊重你的决定 I respect your decision.
好 STU: Okay.
那我就放心了 That puts me at ease.
你现在都随身携带酒壶了吗 You're carrying a flask now?
就随便喝几口 Eh, you know, I take a couple of nips.
这一囗 那一口 I take a nip here, a nip there, you know.
我喝光了这一壶希望 I nip away at it, and then, hopefully,
晚上我就不用再喝了 I won't have to drink again tonight.
但我感觉挺好 我喜欢 有何不可呢 But I feel good. I like it. So what? You know.
不好意思 Excuse me.
我勒个去 Oh, Jesus Christ.
看看这小屁股 Will you look at the tuchus on this one?
嘿 她一会进来吗 Hey, you know what? Is she coming in here?
让她给你洗个海绵浴 哈 She giving you sponge baths, this one? Huh?
是 她是照顾我的 拉里 Yeah, she takes care of me, Larry.
我都不确定她戴没戴胸罩 I'm not even sure if she's wearing a bra.
你说是不是 斯图 Am I right, Stu? - Um...
也许你 STU: Maybe you're- Oh, boy.
也许你说的对 拉 Maybe you're right, Larr.
弗雷迪才合适 Freddy's the right person...-
照顾奥利维亚 ...for Olivia. Yeah.
而你 你更适合帮我处理小提琴 And you're- - you're the right person for the violin.
那 怎么着 你把我们俩调个个 So, yeah, yeah, you wanna flop us?
-是 我想给你们俩调换一下 拉里 -好吧 Yes, I'm gonna flop you, Larry. - LARRY: Okay.
小提琴的事就交给我吧 I got that violin covered.
小提琴的事你就憋操心了 The violin is the least of your worries.
你真是我朋友 拉里 You're my friend, Larry.
明智的决定 斯图 我得走了 还要去卖小提琴呢 Good decision, Stu. I gotta run. I got a violin to sell.
-你好 -你好 Hello. - Hello.
刚冲完凉 LARRY: Just got out of the shower
可 and, uh.
里面没有毛巾 ...there are no towels.
那是因为我现在没法碰毛巾了 It's because I can't deal with the towels right now.
为毛呢 And why is that?
因为你和她在 Because I was holding the towels...
我当时正好抱着一摞毛巾 when you and her were
-它们会提醒我受到的精神创伤 -创伤哈 ·They remind me of the trauma Oh. The trauma?
对 创伤 Yeah, the trauma.
-那这样吧 -怎么的 I'll tell you what. - What?
不如我买批新毛巾 Why don't I get some new towels?
我还是做不到 I think I couldn't.
就任何形式的毛巾都会 Like, any- - any sort of towels would be-
-你都没法接近毛巾了 -不行 - You can't even go near towels? - No, no, I can't.
所以在这个房子里 So, cleaning any towels in this house
-洗毛巾对你来说就是创伤 -对 is traumatic? - Yeah.
那你回家洗完澡然后 How 'bout when you take a shower at home and, uh,
-你用毛巾吗 -那些是我自己的毛巾啊 - you use your towels? - Well, those are my towels.
-所以只是我的毛巾不行 -对 Oh, so it's just my towels? - Yeah.
即便买新毛巾对你来说也会引发创伤 And even the new towels would be a reminder of the trauma?
但我还注意到我的衣服你也没洗 But I also noticed that my clothing hasn't been washed.
那也是创伤吗 That's also a trauma?
你不信我有创伤是吗 You don't believe me I have a trauma?
这创伤到明天能结束不 Can we get over the trauma by tomorrow?
我尽量吧 I do my best.
看看这一堆盘子碗的 Look at all this shit.
乱成啥了 This fucking mess.
达利亚不能工作因为她有精神创伤了 LARRY: Dahlia can't work because of the trauma.
靠 这创伤有煮失控了吧 Wow. This trauma is out of control right now.
是 看看这个 没有毛巾 Yeah. Look at this. No towels.
-我还一身湿呢 -我今早冲了个澡 - I'm wet. - I took a shower this morning.
不得不用纸巾把我身上擦干 I had to dry off with paper towels.
-这特么没法过了啊 -她什么都不干 This is fucking insane. - She won't do anything.
她现在是利用起 She's taking advantage
整件事了 of the whole situation right now.
是啊 绝对的 Oh, yes. Completely. Completely.
我理解她是看到你舔那儿 LEON: I get she saw you eating pussy,
但这特么不应该影响你做家务啊 but it should not affect your fucking work.
就是说啊 我撞到我婶子在庞蒂亚克车后座 Yeah. I caught my aunt giving my Uncle Moishe a- -
给我叔莫伊什吹箫 a blowjob in the back of a Pontiac,
但如果他们邀请我去看电影 but if they asked me to go to the movies,
-我会毫不犹豫跳上车的 -这特么才对嘛 - Ijust hopped in the car. - Fuck yeah, you did.
-同样的后座 -对 同样的后座 Same back seat! - Yeah, same back seat.
我到现在还记得那敞开拉链的华达呢休闲裤 You know, I can still remember those gabardine slacks unzipped!
是 那天你可能还吃了根棒棒糖呢 Yeah. You might even have got a lollipop that day,
但这也不会影响你 and it still didn't affect you.
明白我说的吧 这也不 Know what I m saying? It still didn't- -
-这也不会影响到我 -这特么也不会影响到你 Still didn't affect me. - It still didn't fuck with you.
不过在这之后我确实对我婶子有点迷恋 I did have a crush on my aunt, though, after that.
我就不明白了 什么精神创伤会这样啊 LEON: I don't get it, man. Trauma did that?
也许是某种宗教信仰吧 Maybe it's some kind of religious thing.
《圣经》里有提到过口活儿吗 Is there any mention of cunnilingus in the Bible?
我觉得《旧约全书》里没提 I don't think it's in the Old Testament.
我觉得那事儿当时还没发明呢 Hmm. I don't think that shit was invented yet.
-那事儿至少得到了20世纪才发明的 -我觉得不是 That shit didn't start till the early 1900s, at least. - No, I don't think so.
哥伦布从印度人那里学会的 Columbus got it from the Indians,
把它和葡萄柚一起带回了西班牙 brought it back to Spain with grapefruit.
总得有人做第一个 Somebody had to be the first.
肯定有口交先锋 There was a cunnilingus pioneer out there.
只是我们不知道是谁 We don't know who it was.
真该纪念一下他们的功劳 They should get some credit for that.
把那王八蛋放到拉什莫尔山上去 Put that motherfucker on on the Mount Rushmore
奉为口活儿鼻祖 of- of pussy eaters.
都把舌头露在外面 你明白我啥意思吧 They all got their tongue out and shit. You know what I mean?
就特么应该这么干 That's how the fuck you do it.
-纪念这帮王八蛋们 对吧 -我去开 Honor these motherfuckers, right? I'll get it.
总得有人开始吧 Somebody had to start it.
不行 去它的吧 Nah, fuck that.
-谁啊 -弗雷迪 LARRY: Who is it? - FREDDY: It's Freddy!
嘿 好兄弟 Hey! There's my guy.
-进来没问题吧 -呃 行 · Okay if I come in? - Uh...Yeah.
见到你可真高兴啊 老朋友 FREDDY: Great to see you, old friend.
天 看到这么真诚的脸我心里真是舒服 Boy, it does my heart good to see an honest face.
我觉得归根到底是忠诚的事儿 I think it comes down to just loyalty
谁对谁真心 你能信任谁 and someone who's genuine, who you can count on.
这才叫真朋友 Because that's what makes a friend.
总之 你有什么要说的吗 Anyway, anything on your mind?
有什么你要当着自己朋友的面说的不 Anything you wanna tell a friend to his face?
-没有 -没有哈 No. I don't...- No?
我给你机会了 让你解释为什么特么这么对我 I gave you a chance to address the fact that you fucked me.
你抢走了小提琴 Yeah. You took me off the violin,
然后把那孩子推给我了 and you shoved the kid down my throat,
-你特么这么搞我 LD -我怎么能呢 and you fucked me, L. D. - I couldn't do it.
你知道整件事最糟糕的是什么么 You know what the worst thing about this whole thing is?
就是你演戏用的是我的酒壶 Is that you did it with my own flask.
你拿走那么优雅 You took something elegant,
那么有品和精巧的酒壶 something classy and sophisticated like my flask,
然后你特么拿它戳我菊花 你用它搞我 and you shoved it up my ass, and you reamed me with it.
-不过这倒是个好主意 -你做的太过了 - It was a good idea, though. FREDDY: What you did is terrible.
但这是个好主意 But it was a good idea.
这简直就是有预谋的一级搞人 This is a first- degree, premeditated fucking.
你知道比这还操蛋的是啥吗 You know what makes it even worse?
就是你一点悔意都没有 你就是个变态 Is you don't have any remorse. You're a sociopath.
你冷酷无情的搞了我 你就是个魔鬼 You fucked me in cold blood, and you're a monster.
现在我不得不接受这个事实 And now I have to accept the fact
你就是个彻头彻尾的深井冰 that you're wired like a fucking lunatic.
我照顾不了孩子 我最烦孩子了 I can't take care of kids! I hate kids!
我就算在浴缸里养蟑螂 I'd rather have roaches in my bathtub as pets
-也不想照顾孩子 -那我特么就是玛丽·波平斯吗 than take care of a kid! - And I'm fucking Mary Poppins?
你是个非常和蔼可亲的家伙 You're a very affable and genial fella!
你来带孩子肯定比我好得多 You could do a much better job than I can!
-你幽默啊 -什么 不 You have a knack! - What? No!
我的幽默对于一个孩子来说太难理解了 My humor's way too sophisticated for a child!
你就是有 你总是肯为别人花时间 Yes, you are. You always take time for people!
-我没有 我没时间 -你是个特别谦恭的人 No, I don't! I make no timel You're completely courteous!
我都无法相信人们 I can't even believe the way people talk
在你背后是怎么说你的 about you behind your back!
-哦弗雷迪·芬克豪泽啊 -我跟你说 - "Oh, that Freddy Funkhouser! "- FREDDY: You know what?
他是我见过的最好的人了 "He's the nicest guy I've ever metl"
我靠 我还是最好的人 Oh, my God! I'm the nicest guy?
人们总是说你有多讨人喜欢 People always say how lovely you are!
-没人说哪有人这么说过 -哦 他太幽默了 - Nobody says that! Nobody says thatl- "Oh, he's so funny!
派对有他在好玩多了 Larry brightens the party! "
我整个一生都没人夸过我 Nobody's said a decent word about me my entire lifel
什么 你疯了吗 大家都爱你啊 What, are you crazy? People love you!
我自己都没夸过我自己 I don't even say decent words about me!
我就说过 我总说 Yes, I do! I say it all the time!
我说 他诚实 忠诚 I say, "He's honest, he's loyal! "
以后不会再说了 I won't say it anymorel
你做的事真是太无耻了 It was a terrible thing that you did.
我唯一的遗憾就是不得不借用你的酒壶 My one regret is that I had to use your flask.
不不不不 FREDDY: Oh, no, no, no, no.
那可能是你一开始遗憾的 但是 That may be your first regret, but that's- -
那不可能是你唯一的遗憾 that's not gonna be your only regret.
它会成为你一系列遗憾中的头一个 There's gonna be a series of regrets,
因为你以为你搞我时我睡着了 because if you think I'm gonna take a nap
那你就想错了 我清醒着呢 while you fuck me, you're crazy. I'm awake.
-这事才刚刚开始 -真的吗 This thing's only just begun. Oh, really?
这事我会翻盘然后我也会搞事情 And I'm about to roll over and do some fucking myself.
那家伙分分钟都可能会死 That guy could be dead any second.
你等着被搞吧 You're getting fucked pretty soon.
我不知道你还能做什么 I don't know what you think you're gonna do.
我会翻盘搞死你的 FREDDY: I'm gonna roll over and fuck you.
那家伙以为我是个酒鬼 LARRY: That guy thinks I'm an alcoholic!
弗雷迪 你还能做啥 Freddy? What are you gonna do?
真是够了 LARRY: Oh, For God's sake.
这个消息群 消息群啊 Ah, this chain! This chain!
斯图 你还好吗 Stu, you all right?
我从卡巴松的折扣店 I came full throttle from Cabazon,
全速赶来的 from the outlet store.
-我很愿意陪在你身边 -我的朋友弗雷迪 I'm glad to be with you. - My friend, Freddy.
我告诉你点好消息让你开心一下吧 Can I cheer you up with some pretty good news?
小提琴我已经找到买家了 I think I got a couple leads on the violin.
你跟吉娜说了吗 Uh, you talked to Gina?
不不 我让他们竞标呢 No, no, I'm getting a bidding war going.
不不 我让他们竞标呢 No, no, Im getting a bidding war going.
不行啊 弗雷迪 我得给你换个活儿 I can't do it, Freddy. I gotta switch it up.
奥利维亚得交给你了 卖小提琴的事让拉里去接手吧 You gotta take Olivia. Larry's gonna sell the violin.
你要是想给奥利维亚留点积蓄 You wanna have a nest egg for Olivia,
我就得赶紧把小提琴卖了 you need me moving that violin.
-拉里照顾孩子是把好手 -这我可真不确定 And Larry's great with kids. - I don't know about that.
-拉里照顾孩子是把好手 -这我可真不确定 And Larry's great with kids. I don't know about that.
他特别喜欢年轻姑娘 He's super comfortable with really young girls.
不是奇怪的那种喜欢哈 是那种善意的 欢声笑语的 Not in a bad way, but nice, like laughing and joking.
他就像头豪猪 He's like a porcupine.
表现出来好像浑身是刺 He puts those things out and is prickly
那是因为他不想让人们太靠近 cause he wants to keep people away,
但是遇到孩子他就会放下尖刺 but he puts'em down for the kids,
会让孩子们靠近 给他们一个温暖舒适的拥抱 and he brings those kids in, he gives'em a nice, snug hug.
他紧紧的抱着他们 不是奇怪的那种哈 He holds on to em super tight. Not in a bad way.
他们喜欢腻在他身边因为他很好闻 They love to cuddle with him because he smells good,
而且他喜欢低声细语些好听的话 and he's always got a clever line he whispers.
喜欢嬉戏 女孩们都喜欢 He's playful. The girls love it.
她们会坐在那笑个不停 They sit and laugh, and, you know,
推推搡搡 it's a little push, a little pull, and...
不是奇怪的那种哈 他们会建立起感情 Not in a bad way, but they connect.
我感谢你说的这一切 I appreciate everything you're saying.
如果说要选谁的话 拉里·大卫绝对是不二人选 If I was gonna pick someone, I'd pick Larry David.
我已经决定了 I made up my mind.
我觉得你没看清全局 I think you're missing the big picture here.
小提琴就由拉里去卖 Larry is selling the violin,
你帮我看着点奥利维亚 and you are keeping an eye on Olivia.
这是我的最终决定 弗雷迪 And that's my final word, Freddy.
既然你这么想 那我尊重你的意见 If that's what you want, then I'll honor that.
是的 It is. -
是的 It is.
抱歉 我累坏了 我从折扣店开出来时 I'm sorry. I'm exhausted. I've had the, uh, sun in my eyes
抱歉 我累坏了 我从折扣店开出来时 Imsorry. Im exhausted. I've had the, uh, sun in my eyes
就觉得太阳刺的我睁不开眼 since I've been driving from the outlets.
-我坐会你不介意吧 -不介意 坐吧弗雷迪 You mind if I take a seat? - No. Go ahead, Freddy.
-困死了 -我想你留在这 It just hit me. - I want you to stick around.
我累坏了 I'm so tired.
我觉得我站这都能睡着 I think I'm about to fall asleep on my feet.
我休息一下眼睛你不介意吧 You mind if I rest my eyes?
不介意 我也想睡会了 弗雷迪 No. I think Im gonna go to sleep too, Freddy.
不介意 我也想睡会了 弗雷迪 No. I think I'm gonna go to sleep too, Freddy.
高中读不完也没啥 You don't need to finish high school.
你得去特曼库拉的 You need to pay your dues
床垫店打工 at the mattress store in Temecula.
想要书吗 FREDDY: You want a book?
接下来你就又想要袜子了吧 Next thing is you're gonna be wanting socks.
把那外套脱了 看着跟鸡似的 And take off that skirt, you look like a whore.
我说脱了 I said take it off!
交朋友没什么难的 It's not hard to make friends.
只是没人喜欢你 It's just nobody likes you.
就是把折叠刀 It's a pocketknife.
有时候用来割割自己 You're supposed to cut yourself sometimes.
这样你才能学会 That's how you learn.
你要拉屎就得收拾 You shit in the bucket, you clean the bucket.
家里规矩就是这样 Those are the house rules.
生不生日的谁在乎 Who cares if it's your birthday?
我们要去看斗鸡 家庭活动 We go to cockfights. That's what this family does.
-传统 -弗雷迪 - It's tradition. - Freddy.
-传统 -弗雷迪 It's tradition. - Freddy.
-传统 -弗雷迪 - It's tradition. - Freddy.
等我高兴了你再从地下室里出来吧 You'jl come out of the basement when I'm good and ready.
-弗雷迪 -嘿 你个胖子 Freddy. Hey, you're fat.
-弗雷迪 -嘿 你个胖子 Freddy. - Hey, you're fat.
-肥死了 -弗雷迪 - You're fat! Freddy!
弗雷迪 STU: Freddy.
嘿 怎么了 Hey. Ah. What's going on?
抱歉 我刚才好像做了个奇怪的梦 So sorry. I was having the craziest dream.
嗯 我知道 - STU: Yeah, I know.
-我真是累坏了 -我改变主意了 FREDDY: I was exhausted. I've changed my mind.
小提琴的事还是交给你吧 You're back on the violin.
-你改主意了 -改了 You're flopping? - Imflopping.
-你改主意了 -改了 You're flopping? - I'm flopping.
好吧 如果这是你想要的 AlI right, well, that's what you want,
那就这么着吧 我会告诉拉里的 that's what it is. I'll be sure to let Larry know.
虽然我想多留会 但我还要去瓦尔维卡 I'd love to stay, but I got a Zoom in Vacaville
跟其中一家床垫店开视频会 with one of my mattress shops, okay?
你最棒了 弗雷迪 You're the best, Freddy.
还有 别担心小小提琴的事了 And, um, don't worry about that violin.
-我会卖掉的 -拜 - I'm moving it. - Bye.
舌头好忙啊 JVery busy tongue.
太可怕了 Awful.
头和腿 Head and legs.
秃头 上下移动 Bald head, moving up and down.
我一定是睡着了 I must have fallen asleep.
-怎么回事 -我做噩梦了 Oh, what happened? - I was having a nightmare.
听上去是呢 真可怜 你没事吧 Oh, yeah, sounds like it. You poor thing. Are you okay?
可能是因为精神创伤吧 Maybe bec because of the trauma.
好吧 我这么跟你说吧 Okay. Let me tell you something.
你做梦演戏这套用错地方了 You're using the dream scheme on the wrong guy.
那是我发明的 I invented it.
我忘不了自己看到的一幕 I can't forget what I saw.
这事结束了 我虽然不想 This is over. I don't wanna fire anybody,
但我还是要炒你 but I will fire,
我也不喜欢自己这样做 and I'll hate myself for doing it.
但如果你明天不过来好好千活 But if you don't come in tomorrow and work,
我就会炒掉你 听见没 I'm gonna do it. Okay?
还有把你的脚从沙发上拿下去 And take your feet off the couch.
嘿 利昂 LARRY: Hey, Leon!
我去拿小提琴了 I'm gonna go get that violin!
保重 Take care.
-拉里 -嗯 Larry. Yeah.
韦兰·格罗斯巴德 Waylan Grossbard.
-咱俩认识 -我是斯图的表亲 ·Do I know you? - I'm Stu's cousin
也在那个家庭消息群里 from the family text chain.
哦对 消息群哈 Oh. Oh, yeah, the text chain.
对 我们很高兴你也在 WAYLAN GROSSBARD: Yeah, we love that you're on there.
-我注意到你不是很活跃 -是啊 - I noticed you haven't really been very active on it. - Yeah.
-没有 -很少回复 No. Barely replying
-其实从没回复过 -是 at all, actually. - Yeah, uh...
我们发现这个群其实对所有人都特有帮助 Well, we're noticing it's really been helpful for everybody,
-对所有人都特有帮助 -有吗 真的 是吗 keeping us in the loop- Has it? Is it? Really? Is it?
而且有很多正能量 ...and sort of positive spirits.
-真有帮助吗 -对 Is it helpful? - Yeah.
-你真这么想 -对啊 我不知道你看到没 Yeah, you think so? - Yeah. I don't know if you saw.
我侄女发了张 My niece sent a great photo
-斯图和她在湖边的照片 -哦是 of Stu and her by the lake. - Oh, yeah.
是 真的挺 Uh- huh, yeah. That was really, uh...
-装的 -装 cute. Cute.
嗯 Yeah.
你觉得这群配不上你哈 You think you're too good for the chain?
这样吧韦兰 你是叫韦兰吧 You know what? Waylan? Is that your name?
-嗯 -我是这么想的 Yeah. I do.
我就是觉得这群配不上我 I think I'm too good for the chain.
你不想帮朋友我替你觉得遗憾 Oh. I'm sorry you don't wanna help your friend.
-帮朋友 -你就回复一下 Help? - You know, it takes minimal effort
也不费什么劲儿 just to reply.
就算是个哈哈或者给个大拇指 Even a"ha ha or a thumbs up- -
是吗 有什么好笑的事 Oh, really? Are there funny things on there
-我需要哈哈吗 -我是说 that require a ha- ha? - I mean- -
如果你好好读过消息 就知道里面有很多 If you read through it, there's a lot of- -
-我能跟你说句实话吗 -请说 Can I be honest with you? - WAYLAN: Please.
我被这个群弄得烦死了 I'm overwhelmed by this chain.
没两分钟就会“叮”一声 Every two minutes it's, "Dingl"
一会一叮 一会一叮 I'm getting a ding. I'm getting a ding.
太多叮了 都叮什么呢 都是些莫名其妙 Too many dings! And what is it? It's just these ridiculous,
励志的观点 啥实际内容没有 inspirational sentiments that amount to nothing.
陈词滥调 They're all trite.
我都不知道为什么有人要发这些东西 I don't even know why people bother to write them!
-对他们家来说现在真的挺难的 所以 -你还想让我发个哈哈 It's been a really hard time for the family, so- - You want me to give it a ha- ha?
-哈哈 -或者点个赞也行啊 A ha- ha? - Or a heart.
这也是个选择 That's also an option.
但看来这对你来说太有负担了 But it seems like that's too much for you.
你知道我对什么有负担吗 You know what's too much for me?
这个群 我想退群 This chain is too much for me. I want off this chain.
一旦你退群就再也进不来了 Once you're off the chain, you can't get back on the chain.
别 千万别这么说 真的吗 Oh, don't. Don't say that. Really?
我可以发给你 但我知道反正你也不看 I would text this to you, but I know you won't read it,
所以我就当面给你这个表情好了 so here's the real- life emoji.
-来 -我哈哈你 There you go. - Oh! I'll give that a ha- ha!
-不我哈哈你 -哈 哈哈 No, ha- ha to you. - Ha! Ha- ha!
-哈哈送给你先生 -哈哈 Ha- ha to you, sir. - LARRY: Ah, ha- ha!
你就是个混蛋 You know, you're a real asshole.
-我混蛋 -对 对 Oh, I'm an asshole? - Yeah. Yeah.
-我是个混蛋 -对 Oh, Im an asshole. - WAYLAN: Yeah.
那话是我写的 我写的那句 I'm the one writing- I'm the one writing,
艰难时刻提醒我们 我们的精神是强大的 "Tough times remind us that our spirits are strong! "
-是 那是我发的 -我知道你是发的 - Yeah, I wrote that! - Yeah, I know you did!
喜欢可以点赞 Well, heart it if you like it!
-好 我点赞 -这是表情哈 - Yeah, I'll heart it. - Oh, is that an emoji?
-微笑 -真是个不错的笑脸 LARRY: Smiley- That's a nice smiley face.
-对 -这是竖大拇指呢 - Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. - Oh. Oh, the praise hands.
-所以你会发表情你就是不肯是吧 -双手大拇指 · So you know the emojis, you just won't use them. - LARRY: Praise Praise hands.
真不错 大拇指哈 WAYLAN: Oh, nice. Athumbs- up.
-哈哈送给你 -哈哈 - Well, ha- ha to you, sir. - LARRY: Ha- ha!
你哈哈 Ha- ha to you. Yeah, yeah.
-谢谢 去你妈的 -吼吼 ·Thank you. Fuck you. - Oh, ho- ho!
拉里 真惊喜哎 Larry! What a surprise. -
嗨 我就是想过来 Hi. Um, you know, I thought I'd come over
把小提琴拿走 and, uh, pick up the violin.
我不想表现的太过冷漠 You know, I don't want to appear insensitive,
-但你也知道 以防万一嘛 -不是 but, you know, just in case. Oh. No.
我 我还是先开始把事情做起来 I'll getIll get a head start on things.
不 没必要了 弗雷迪在这 No, there's no need. Freddy's here.
-什么 -斯图改变主意了 What? - Stu made a change.
小提琴交给弗雷迪了 Freddy's taking the violin.
-你 什么 -对 ·Are you- - What? - Yeah.
嘿 嘿 Hey! Heyl-
你干 你干什么呢 LARRY: What are you- What are you doing?
-你怎么来了 -你怎么来了 - What are you doing here? - What are you doing?
我来完成对斯图的承诺 I'm fulfilling my obligation to Stu.
-小提琴不是你的 -听我说 ·You don't get the violin. - FREDDY: Listen to me- -
-小提琴是我的 -听着 不不不 - I get the violin. - Listen. No, no, no, no.
斯图让我负责小提琴了 Stu put me in charge of the violin.
不 你弄错了 LARRY: No, I think you're mistaken.
-怎么回事 -不是斯图让我 - What's going on? - Doesn't Stu want me...
弗雷迪去医院看斯图了 Freddy went to see Stu at the hospital,
他太累了就睡着了 and he got tired, he fell asleep,
然后他做噩梦 梦到抚养奥利维亚的事 and he had these nightmares about raising Olivia.
是嘛 Oh! Really?
你从哪学来的这招呢 I wonder where you got that from!
他做噩梦 扯他妈的蛋 He was having nightmares! It's all bullshit!
没有噩梦 There's no nightmares!
那是噩梦骗局 - It's a nightmare con! -
我知道因为是我发明的 And I know, cause I invented it
-就是个骗局 -什么 骗局 It's a scam! What! A scam?
你发明了噩梦骗局 You invented the nightmare con?
杰夫的噩梦都是假的咯 Jeff's dream was all a fucking lie?
-不是 但是他 我 -我可真是太喜欢 - No, but he- - I- - Oh, I am so on to you
你和你的小杰夫了 and your little friend Jeff.
我没让他演啊 Well, I didn't put him up to it.
靠 我这就弄死那个肥佬 Oh, man, I'm gonna kill that fat motherfucker!
我为了和解给你带了羽衣甘蓝沙拉 Oh, I brought you a kale salad as a peace offering.
一点卡路里都没有 You know, it hardly has any calories.
而且我特么这就弄死他去 拉里 And I'm gonna fucking kill him, Larry!
而这都是因为你 好好吃吧 And it's gonna be your fault! Enjoy.
不不不 你别想了 LARRY: No, no, no! Don't even think about it!
-我来负责海菲兹 -不行 不不不 - FREDDY: I move the Heifetz! - Don't! No, no, no, no!
-他们说交给我了 -你特么给我 ·They want me to have it! - Give me the fucking thing!
-给我 -住手 Give it to mel GINA: Stop it!
都住手 给我放回去 放回去然后都出去 Stop it! Put it backl Put it back and get out!
好吧 All right.
抱歉 Yeah, I'm so sorry.
滚出去 Get out!
我不需要你们两负责任何事 I don't want either one of you taking care of anything!
你家真不错 You have a lovely home.
我们 We'll, uh...
我们在消息群里聊吧 We'll talk on the text chain.
好吧 Okay.
还不算太坏 Not bad. Yeah? - Eh.
你知道吗 You know what? Hmm?
我觉得你当爸肯定比我强 I think you would've been a much better dad.
-咱现在是认真的吗 -绝对认真 Are we talking in all seriousness? LARRY: In all seriousness.
你做爸肯定烂透了 You would've been a hell of a father.
开什么玩笑 LARRY: Are you kidding?
两周社工就会 Social workers would've descended on the house
找上门来 within two weeks.
嗨 Oh. Hi.
-我是蕾妮 -嗯 I'm Renee. - Yeah.
-我们见过 -我记得 We met. - I remember.
嘿 听我说 前几天那事 Hey, listen. About the other day,
我知道挺尴尬的 I know it was really awkward,
但其实我也不喜欢那套 but it's not even really my thing.
你懂吧 是拉里喜欢 You know? It's Larry's thing.
-他特别喜欢 我是说 -嗯 He really likes that. I mean- - - Yeah.
总之 拉里在哪 Anyway, uh, where's Larry?
-他不在 -行吧 He's not here. - RENEE: Got it.
我就把这先放着了 Well, I'm gonna leave this here for him,
因为待会儿画廊的人会过来 because someone from the gallery is gonna be by later
在展览前把它装箱 但我想让他先看看 to box it up before the showing, but I- - I wanted him to see it.
给我吧 － - I take it.
好 你需要帮忙吗 Okay. Do you need some help?
看来是不需要了 Guess not.
您好 我能来杯 来杯水吗 Excuse me. Could I have a- - a water?
我是你们的机长 PILOT: This is your pilot speaking.
很抱歉通知您 由于罗利-达勒姆地区的 I'm sorry to report that due to some inclement weather
恶劣天气 in the Raleigh- Durham area,
本次航班将改飞格林斯博罗 this flight is being diverted to Greensboro.
地面控制中心通知我 - PILOT: Ground control has informed me
我们可以用巴士把你们送到最终目的地 that we'll be able to bus you to your final destinations.
于是他直接跳进了 So he jumped right into Sheepshead Bay.
-你能想到吗 -想不到啊 太疯狂了 - Can you believe it? - Oh, no, that's crazy.
什么鬼 What the fuck?